In the early stages of grief my goal was to stop the pain. I had cried for weeks and wanted the crying to stop. I wanted to feel better. I wanted my former life back. With the passage of time and lots of grief work, I was able to stop crying. Day by day, I slowly began to feel better. But my former life did not return. Instead, I had a new and different life, a life without my daughter, father-in-law, brother and former son-in-law. According to many grief experts, we do not recover from grief, we come to terms with it. Other bereaved parents agree. In fact, the comments I have heard most are "You never get over it" and "You learn to live with it," referring to loss. More than four years have passed since my daughter died and I have adapted to my new life. Still, on her birthday and at Christmas time, tears come to my eyes. That is okay, for tears are a sign of love.