The massacre in Aurora, Colorado brings up the age-old question, "What can you say to someone who is grievng?" After losing four family members in 2007, including my daughter and brother, I have some suggestions. After losing my mother, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, and beloved dogs, I have more suggestions. One of the things you shouldn't say is "I don't know what to say." The simplest words to say are "I'm so sorry." You may talk about your happy memories of the deceased. Please avoid comments such as:* It's probably for the best. * He (or she) is in a better place. * Life goes on. * Time heals all wounds. * You're still young and will find someone else. A better approach is to say things that encourage the bereaved to speak their loved one's name and share recollections. For example, you may ask about their loved one's talents, the ones people knew about and ones people didn't know about. If you offer to help the bereaved person, be specific. "I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow morning. Give me your list. I'll shop for you and deliver you grocers at _______ o'clock." Whatever you say, choose words that show caring, and give the bereaved person a heartfelt hug.